


The End is the Beginning is the End

by Rynfinity



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Death, F/M, Mythology - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1454293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynfinity/pseuds/Rynfinity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It probably should come as no surprise to the Allfather – it certainly comes as none to Heimdall – that of all his children Loki alone cannot stay within the lines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End is the Beginning is the End

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the warning, people. It's not graphic but it's there.
> 
> Ryn plays fast and loose with mythology. And with editing. This wanted to come out just now, so here it is. Sorry?

“You know,” Odin tells him as they stand together in the observatory, somewhere in the long millennia between the gross error and the end, “I should never have taken the infant.”

Heimdall, for his part, is inclined to agree.

Although, of course, his reasons are rather different.

~

The infant in question is a quiet and curious thing, brought back from Jotunheim following the last great war. Heimdall, who – with Frigga – has managed to glean hints of the prophecy long before Odin seeks it out all its ugly glory, watches the infant with interest.

It does not look Jotun. It does not look like the instrument of total destruction – Thor and Tyr both, with their sheer bulk and their fearless natures, pose at first glance far greater danger – but Heimdall has long since learned looks can be incredibly deceiving.

Over time Loki, for that is what Odin and Frigga name the baby – Odin because he likes the name; Frigga because she must – grows into a slim and fascinating little shadow. It is as if he is Thor’s tail, he follows the prince so closely. Thor, never one to hide his feelings, is clearly far more enamored of the slip of a Jotun changeling than he is of his own blood brothers.

It makes sense, in a way. Tyr and Thor are too similar, too brash and loud. They are broadly reckless children, in the way only certain boys can be, and they complete in ways that quickly come to bore Thor.

Especially because he simply cannot win. Tyr is the senior, and the larger, and where Thor’s heart bears the softness of caring, Tyr’s suffers no such stain; Odin’s eldest is cold and ruthless, even as a child, and will stop at nothing to get his way.

Balder, on the other hand, is simply boring. He is a darling infant, but lacks Loki’s spark. The same continues to hold true as the years advance; Balder is sweet and lovely and utterly devoid of any challenge.

Whereas Loki – Loki, who burns with a fire even Heimdall cannot see – is always something _more_. And Thor loves Loki fiercely.

Odin would not be pleased. It is probably a bad thing, to keep things from the king, but Heimdall knows how all this will end and thus he protects Thor’s secret.

~

By the time Odin finally does take full heed of the prophecy, though, Thor and Loki have grown apart. Thor’s valor, ever present though it may be, has taken a back seat to his warring nature; Loki’s fire consumes everything it touches.

It seems they can no longer see the good in one another. Still, they are like the very realms themselves – the forces of nature pull them together, even as they fight their very hardest to prise themselves apart.

Thor, without Loki, is somehow dimmer.

Loki, without Thor, is a seething cauldron of self-destruction. And down with him will go the universe, Heimdall predicts. Well, the prophecy predicts it; Heimdall just agrees.

~

Loki’s creativity and his self-loathing make poor bedfellows. The eight-legged colt Slepnir, not implicated in the divination Odin strives ever to forestall, finds a place in the royal stables. Loki’s other progeny, though, the Allfather casts aside as soon as it is reasonable and practical to do so: Hel – who has a role in the future of the realms, and not one Odin wishes to unravel – to her own rule; the snake Jormungand to Midgard, where Odin hopes the thing will pose no true threat to Thor; last but by no means least; the wolf Fenrir to imprisonment and torture.

~

Tyr and Loki have ever been at odds, Heimdall knows, but at this juncture the guttering candle of their mutual hatred becomes a raging inferno.

From the ashes Tyr gains a metal fist that knows no equal; Loki, perhaps as a concession to keep him placated or perhaps as a great strategic error, gains freedom the likes of which he has never known.

Freedom serves Loki better than Heimdall ever expected. The Allfather, though, looks upon it all rather less kindly.

~

In the end, it is spite as much as the cold taint of prophecy that brings Loki crashing down.

Odin separated his own sons long ago, dooming each to a life bound tight to his nature: Tyr to the well-executed campaigns of a perfect military leader, Thor to guard Midgard (while keeping his distance from the serpent; fortunately, though probably not accidentally, he carries ever with him a lifelong fear of snakes), Loki to fuck the brains out of a lovely young woman whose sweetness, kindness, and devotion Odin hopes can only influence his wayward son for good.

Balder stays in the castle, charming everyone. It is really all his youngest is good for, all he can realistically manage to do, and so Odin deigns to let him do it.

~

It probably should come as no surprise to the Allfather – it certainly comes as none to Heimdall – that of all his children Loki alone cannot stay within the lines. Odin’s adopted son, simultaneously the darling of Thor’s eye and the scourge of all the rest of Asgard, breaks first one rule and then another, and then more and more and more. The avalanche roars loose and gathers speed, casting out a brace of (non-monstrous, but they are by sheer definition the agents of annihilation regardless) boys as it rumbles on.

~

And then Loki puts an end to Balder – perhaps it is the hand of another that lets slip the arrow, but such trivial detail matters not – and Odin puts an end to Loki’s trickery.

An end, really, to everything Loki holds dear.

~

Ultimately the gross violation costs Loki his own youngest sons. Even Heimdall, jaded as he knows himself to be thanks to his long and all-seeing vigil, averts his gaze while Odin exacts the harshest possible revenge.

When Heimdall looks back, Loki has lost everything: His home, his children, any faint hope of reestablishing a relationship with Thor, his freedom.

His mind.

At long last, his wife, although she is quite late to the leaving.

The latest of all, if you count the serpent not. Which, of course, Loki cannot do. It does not matter; by then Loki neither knows nor cares of love.

~

What leaves the cave is not what went in. Heimdall watches Loki’s body heal and his mind fracture.

For the first time, the gatekeeper is genuinely afraid.

~

In the end, the whole thing unfolds just as predicted and yet also entirely differently.

~

Odin is the first to fall, his lifeblood reddening the fur of Fenrir’s heavy ruff and then pooling at the wolf’s feet.

After that bit is done, Loki comes to stand by Heimdall’s side. Thus, they watch together – Loki seemingly as shocked as Heimdall is himself unsurprised – as the mighty Thor’s turn comes.

Jormungand strikes, Loki gasps, Mjolnir strikes true. Thor turns to stride toward them, the snake crushed beyond all saving. Heimdall counts the steps silently to nine. He needn’t – when Thor crumples, Loki _howls_.

~

Heimdall fights Loki not because he wants to, but because he knows he must. It is pointless, and it is everything, and the utter despair in Loki’s expression breaks his heart.

When his own end comes, the knife between Heimdall’s ribs hurts far less than he expected. It is a relief, even. An end indeed: an end to horror, and an end to waiting.

And as he goes to death, Heimdall hopes against hope that Loki’s own experience – as Heimdall’s dying blow is also a killing one and the guardian’s last sword strike lands true – is much the same.

If Loki writhes in long agony, Heimdall thinks – it is his last thought, the very final one, and it is wretched with guilt – at least this time he will not be watching.


End file.
